ORIGIN

[VC_Wolffe]

 ORIGIN

[Ashenfox]

That is an interesting story so far. You've done a good job keeping me in suspense as to what the big story is. I noticed a few spelling errors, which I could help with...but I also noticed a slight little issue I seem to have with my own writing, that is, lack of description in the way of distinctive physical characteristics of the characters. In my case, I think I have never attached much significance to physical appearance (except in extreme cases, when it is important that the person is unusually tall or muscular or short, for example) but I have never really been able to imagine with any accuracy what things in a story are supposed to look like, either.