when does "toughlove" turn into abuse?

[lecjlobo]

 when does "toughlove" turn into abuse?

[Sleet]

If he's staying with you, he would play by your rules. A traditional way for someone like that to pull their weight while being given incentive to be self-sufficient is to charge rent. If he has no income, then there's nothing wrong with having him work for the roof over his head. Just being compassionate about it; it's business, not torture.

[Acton]

Re: when does "toughlove" turn into abuse?

[Dante.A.G.]

Re: when does "toughlove" turn into abuse?

[Gyp]

Re: when does "toughlove" turn into abuse?

[lecjlobo]

either way it's over. the ungrateful little ratface shoewd up today yelling about how dare i put him up in " a fleabag like that with roaches the size of mice" When I tried to eject him from the house(I wasn't going to let hm treat me like that in my own house) A fight ensued and he shoved me into the screen door. the glass shattered and i got my head split open in a v. a phonecall to 911 and 30 stitches later he's in a jail cell with no one to bail him out. I intend to drop the assault charges i filed as soon as he shows me a little remorse.

[UGuardian]

[Dante.A.G.]

[Speckles Grey Highoof]

That can happen sometimes. Siblings going bizerk. Of course, I know nothing of the kind of treatment you've undergone, but I would say, it all depends on what you want for your brother. If you want him to learn the hard way, I'd let him skulk in prison (though I don't know him that well, and that may just lead to more brooding?). I'd let him skulk. It looks like your attempts on showing kindness have failed, so I wouldn't try it again. That's just me, though.

[Batty_Fox]

I'm with Specks and Dante on this one...

[Tayi]

I would probably drop the charges _if_ he would show he was sorry for what he did, but I'd definitely not tell him beforehand. This would show that you are still capable of forgiving (even though he would still have to deal with the consequences by being on the street), but you would not cause anything to be on his criminal record, which would give problems for him getting a job and starting to take care of himself; that would permanently lower the chances of him ever turning around.

This is mostly guesswork, especially the ideas about the criminal record; I just got the impression that it's pretty easy to get a criminal record is the US. Feel free to correct me on anything.

[Speckles Grey Highoof]

My symposium was just as much guesswork, if not more. It's mostly because I don't REALLY know your brother, that I can't really say what would be best. I do agree with Tayi, though. If there was SOME way you could know that another second chance would be worth it, take it. If not, no more mr nice guy!

[cub_of_the_lamb]

I say drop the charges as the Lord offerd us forgivness while we were yet sinners,
However I think you should make it clear that you are dropping the charges not because of something he did, but that you have done,

He will have to ask you to drop the charges though, it will all be ready but he will have to submit to you that what you offered might be compleated.

all and all sounds like he might be going the way of king Nebuchadnezzar.
[Edit: Ian fixed this for you.]

[lecjlobo]

The charges were dropped yesterday afternoon. I went in to see him and to check on his condition(I couldn't bring myself to stop talking to him completely no matter how much he has hurt me) and he was a different person, the hatered and anger that had been smoldering in his eyes each time I went to see him was gone replaced by a look of humility and an almost pathetic pleading. he didn't beg me to take him back or even to drop the charges. the first words he said were " I'm sorry for all the trouble i caused, for hurting you all, physically emotionally psychologically, will you forgive me?" Call it a hunch but I thought he might have had a change of heart so i dropped the charges on him and brought him home. He's currently a fully contributing member of my household. He only has one strike though and then i kick him out so he's on his best behavior anyways.

[Daedlus]

Great, I hope everything works out, I guess God really is working in him through you.